Monday, March 4, 2013

30.



"My reign is not yet over" (these words were legible in one of these inscriptions); "you live, and my power is complete...Come on, my enemy; we have yet to wrestle for our lives; but many hard and miserable hours must you endure until that period shall arrive." 

-Mary Shelley, Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus

 30 years. For 30 years I have been both the pursuer and the pursued. Chasing highs, chasing lows. Wrestling for my life with the inhumane beast that is type 1 diabetes. I have spent three decades pinning it down by the neck, grabbing its slippery tail as it tries to release itself from my grasp. I have spent nights terrified of its tapping, tapping at my parlor door - the low blood sugar alarm of a meter, the sweaty, half-blind stumblings (or crawlings) to the kitchen for juice. All for a pancreas blasted of life and stitched back together with crude Victorian instruments - the vial and syringe - wrapped in scar tissue and seeming hatred for its host.

And yet. I am still here. Still sighted. Still free of that which stalks from the shadows. For now. For who knows when the ghastly creature, the Monster, shall emerge from the mist to have his final revenge?

"But it is true that I am a wretch. I have murdered the lovely and the helpless; I have strangled the innocent as they slept, and grasped to death his throat who never injured me or any other living thing. I have devoted my creator, the select specimen of all that is worthy of love and admiration among men, to misery; I have pursued him even to that irremediable ruin."

30 years. Would that some modern Prometheus soon steals the fire of a cure and carry it to us, the children with diabetes now grown. So that another 30 years do not pass lashed to the rock, the eagle of fear daily gnawing at my insides.

Prometheus depicted in a sculpture by Nicolas-S├ębastien Adam, 1762 (Louvre)

http://www.literature.org/authors/shelley-mary/frankenstein/chapter-24.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prometheus

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Trying...

It's year 30 of my diabetes and I'm still here. Trying...

 ...to be healthier...

 ...to eat better (like this perfect concoction)...

 ...to snack better (manna from heaven, it's only 15g carb per serving)...

...to identify myself more clearly (rocking an old school ID)...

Because I want to be here to mark year 40. And 50. And 60. And maybe, just maybe, get that Joslin 75-year medal. And I try to remember these words when a string of 250+ mg/dL numbers leaps from my meter, or when I'm shaking from a low...

“All I can say is just try to pay attention. You can’t do everything right, or I couldn’t,” she said. “But it’s a winning battle; it’s not a losing battle. Because each day, I find, when you go to bed and you lay there and you think ‘well, what did I do wrong today?’ and I think ‘well, you did something right because you’re still here.’” ~ Barbara Wagler