Monday, November 23, 2009

Dear Ma...

Today would have been your 63rd birthday. I have lost my eloquence since you've been gone, but here are some things I would have liked to say to you today...or any day.

I love you, and I am still your daughter.

P.S. You have a beautiful new granddaughter (and I a lovely niece) to add to our family happiness.

Friday, November 13, 2009

WDD 09: A Verse

The Magic Act

I enjoy it sometimes,
You not knowing.
The masquerade suits me
As I dance and sing
About you,
Looking for all the world
Like a happy clown, carefree.
And yet the strings
Invisible to you
Control my every move
As a merrionette.

Numbers up, numbers down,
The push and pull of unseen hands
But my performance belies.
Yes, I enjoy sometimes
This you not knowing,
Me feigning light
And concealing dark
As though it were effortless.

I prove myself wrong sometimes,
Dancing on the end of string
I believe there is no line.
Then the music stops,
The lights grow hot,
I stand, confused, wondering why
You have stopped applauding
And staring, you accuse.

If you knew
How hard I try
To make it seem so normal,
So nonchalant,
Perhaps you would find your tender side
And sympathize.
Perhaps you'd think
Or realize
That not all who dance are happy.
But it would rob my mask of me
My ability
To prove it to myself.

And this is why
Sometimes I dance
Secretly, knowingly,
With you watching,
Yet at my side.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Dblog Day 2009

It is Dblog Day '09, and I am tired. Tired from being up all night treating stubborn lows, then the rebound high this morning that is still slowly floating down from the rafters. I am tired of Dex going off every ten minutes. Tired of pricking my fingers again and again, and taking shot after shot. Tired of looking at food like an adversary. Tired.

But I am here, and so are you, and so I am grateful. More than any of you will ever know.