Tuesday, September 15, 2009

You (Invisible Illness Week '09)

You.
Always you.
The first thing I think about every day, the last thing I do every night,
Is take care of you.
Your ups and downs, your surprises, your endless list of to-dos.
It's all about
You.
There are times I can't remember
Life without you, constantly at my side, always prodding, poking,
Wanting to be noticed.
For a while I ignored you.
Then the numbers revealed my lie.
There was no escaping, it was ever and always
You.
Living with you exhausts me, wears me out.
It's "til death do us part", all right,
Except only one of us ever tries,
Ever works on it,
Ever forgives and tries to forget and moves on--
And it's never been
You.
I move among others
Half-human, half-machine,
Constantly running a program in the background
That eats up my memory,
A task manager, called
You.
Sometimes for a day I
Think I've succeeded
In quieting your endless
Demands, and at the end of the day,
I sink to my bed to escape
You.
But then you awaken me
Late in the night with
The terror of a low, the nothingness
Of sleep escapes like a shadow,
And I am left with the ravenous monster of
You.
The only thing you ever brought me
That wasn't wrapped in grief
Were those voices,
Calling out, looking out for other
Kindred spirits, brothers and sisters
Born of the same parent...
You.
Would that we never had met,
You and I,
Except for these Others
With whom I survive.

4 comments:

k2 said...

Well put!
Kelly K

phonelady said...

well put and well said . I m kind of sad today one of my faves passed away last night patrick swayze .

Karen said...

Wow, what a great post! I'm proud to walk beside you as we fight the invisible illness together.

cinderkeys said...

Nice. Very nice.