MeMe Monday: The Bing Edition

Haven't done one of these in a while. Thanks, Karen!

Kathy needs...

1. Kathy needs to be on Regis. (Um, okay, but only if I don't have to sit too close to him...)
2. Kathy needs to do more talk shows. (Why yes, I do! Considering I've done, um, none...!)
3. Kathy needs your support and your vote to make NABJ 360 work for you. (Uh...ok...?)
4. Kathy needs the help of power lesbians Melissa Etheridge and her wife Tammy. (You can never have too much help from power lesbians, if you ask me.)
5. Kathy needs to travel from Plymouth. (Rock? Massachusetts? England?)
6. Kathy needs a new car. She'd look good in this Mini Cooper... (Why yes, I do, and yes, I would. Maybe I can drive it from Plymouth!)
7. Kathy needs to grow up and act her age! (What else is new?!)
8. Kathy needs a helping hand financially. (Oh yes. Please make your check payable to...)
9. Kathy needs a break. (Don't I ever...!)
10. Kathy needs to lose weight .(Hey, that's getting a little personal--!)

Out of Whack

The six-month follow up went perfectly well, from my doctor's perspective. I presented no new health issues; I showed no new signs of complications; I haven't lost weight, but haven't gained any; and my A1C is still under the recommended 7%...at 6.9. As far as she's concerned I am the picture of compliance and should go forth confident in my numbers for the next six months.

From my perspective...I am out of whack. My A1Cs have been at or around 6 for four years now, so why the sudden increase? And I know 6.9 is not "right where you should be", at least not from the knowledge gained from all of you and every other physician I've been to in my life. My doctor is pretty concerned about the lows that come with being in the near-normal range, and I understand that. A nice gate-crashing 31 mg/dl woke me up the other night. But 6.9 is not acceptable, at least to me. Am I wrong?

For some reason this result has really hit me hard. Believe me, there were so many years when I was a teen/young adult when I didn't care...but I know now that I must try harder and do better. I have to watch what I eat and not guesstimate so many carb counts. I must stop the endless grazing at my desk and at home in the evenings. I must increase my mealtime boluses to stop the post-prandial 200s and 300s I've seen in the last month or two. I must exercise more, the 2 mile walk to & from the train station & work isn't good enough. I must try to reduce the stressors in my life. I am sooo lucky not to have complications, and I'm grateful. But I can't take my doctor's word for it this time that everything I'm doing is "good enough".

I'm also going to do one new thing to better manage my numbers: I'm going to get a CGMS. Specifically, I'm going to file paperwork for a Dexcom SevenPlus, hopefully this week. Thanks so much to the postings by Wil, Kerri, Bernard and others, I was able to really research this decision and get a true sense of what it will be like to start using a CGMS, as well as figure out which one would be most likely to help me. Not being a pumper, having a medical device on me will take some getting used to. But I have to try. I have to do something. I can't pretend that 6.9 is okay and just wait for the next A1C to tell me what I'm doing wrong.

Wish me luck!

You (Invisible Illness Week '09)

You.
Always you.
The first thing I think about every day, the last thing I do every night,
Is take care of you.
Your ups and downs, your surprises, your endless list of to-dos.
It's all about
You.
There are times I can't remember
Life without you, constantly at my side, always prodding, poking,
Wanting to be noticed.
For a while I ignored you.
Then the numbers revealed my lie.
There was no escaping, it was ever and always
You.
Living with you exhausts me, wears me out.
It's "til death do us part", all right,
Except only one of us ever tries,
Ever works on it,
Ever forgives and tries to forget and moves on--
And it's never been
You.
I move among others
Half-human, half-machine,
Constantly running a program in the background
That eats up my memory,
A task manager, called
You.
Sometimes for a day I
Think I've succeeded
In quieting your endless
Demands, and at the end of the day,
I sink to my bed to escape
You.
But then you awaken me
Late in the night with
The terror of a low, the nothingness
Of sleep escapes like a shadow,
And I am left with the ravenous monster of
You.
The only thing you ever brought me
That wasn't wrapped in grief
Were those voices,
Calling out, looking out for other
Kindred spirits, brothers and sisters
Born of the same parent...
You.
Would that we never had met,
You and I,
Except for these Others
With whom I survive.

We Will Never Forget

In continued loving memory of Marni Pont O'Doherty, Long Island, NY.

• Forty lives, one destiny
• The Pentagon Memorial
• Only Time