Sunday, December 27, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
I love you, and I am still your daughter.
P.S. You have a beautiful new granddaughter (and I a lovely niece) to add to our family happiness.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I enjoy it sometimes,
You not knowing.
The masquerade suits me
As I dance and sing
Looking for all the world
Like a happy clown, carefree.
And yet the strings
Invisible to you
Control my every move
As a merrionette.
Numbers up, numbers down,
The push and pull of unseen hands
But my performance belies.
Yes, I enjoy sometimes
This you not knowing,
Me feigning light
And concealing dark
As though it were effortless.
I prove myself wrong sometimes,
Dancing on the end of string
I believe there is no line.
Then the music stops,
The lights grow hot,
I stand, confused, wondering why
You have stopped applauding
And staring, you accuse.
If you knew
How hard I try
To make it seem so normal,
Perhaps you would find your tender side
Perhaps you'd think
That not all who dance are happy.
But it would rob my mask of me
To prove it to myself.
And this is why
Sometimes I dance
With you watching,
Yet at my side.
Monday, November 9, 2009
But I am here, and so are you, and so I am grateful. More than any of you will ever know.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Like others commented, Nutrisystem packs quite a few carbs in their food. Here's a shot of the macaroni label:
Yep, that's 30g carbs in one little cup. Hmmm. I heated it up and noticed the "meatballs" were really small...like cat food size!
The taste...pretty unbearable. Even with a shot of Louisiana Hot Sauce, I couldn't save it. I hate to admit it went into the garbage after a couple bites. I didn't take pictures of the soup. Basically it was the same as the noodles--bad. My friend bravely tried one entree (turkey and noodles) and told me it wasn't bad, but tasted very starchy and wasn't satisfying. So sorry to say, as much as I appreciate Elizabeth's gesture, I won't be trying Nutrisystem again anytime soon!
In an effort to get back in tune, I'm actively pursuing a Dexcom Seven Plus to help improve my control One of the rules with my health insurance is that you have to be "professionally monitored" via CGMS for a 72-hour period to prove the device is medically necessary. So, after meeting with the Dexcom rep this week, I was off to the races to get the ball rolling on one of my own.
So far I LOVE the Dexcom. I cannot believe how quickly you get used to checking and reacting to the trend information. It is unfathomable that there should even be a question about whether it is "necessary". It kept me basically in range all weekend. My 7-day meter average dropped 15 points too. It even woke me up when I was low at 4AM--which is one of my big reasons for wanting a CGMS. And wow, do carbs hit my system quickly. And double wow, in the morning they're raging through me...! So the dawn phenomenon and morning insulin resistance is real after all.
The only cons I found in my short acquaintance with Dex...accuracy definitely leaves something to be desired. The rep had already started the sensor before she put it on me, and she put it in a really awkward site on my upper abdomen (where I have scar tissue from MDIs). So I think that may have had something to do with why I was 30-60 points off all weekend. Only once did Dex and my meter agree. The trends were generally correct, though. It was weird to see the line tick up or down and realize "oh, that's what that feeling is". However there was at least one instance where Dex had me crusing safely at 99 mg/dl, when I suddenly started feeling confused and irritable...and sure enough, a fingerstick rang in at 58 mg/dl. Not good. Still, I hope Dexcom has good news for me in the coming weeks. I was sad to remove the sensor tonight, and already I feel naked without the extra protection.
Oh, and finally...I changed my lancet yesterday! (;-) Thanks for the reminder, Kelly!
(Next up...all by myself, literally and figuratively...)
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Which isn't bad for me after dinner. After wandering happily for a while, I suddenly felt hot and confused, trying to remember if I needed batteries or underwear. Sure enough, I dropped to this number:
I'm blaming the fact that I was in the Halloween candy aisle. Ugh!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
- I looooove space. Ever since I was a little kid, I have been fascinated by it. I so want to go to one of the last Space Shuttle launches next year...til then, I hit this site every day or so, just to dream...
- ..and then I click over to this site, which never fails to crack me up :-)
- I also love the 1980s. I think I watched every TV show on this list. If I could I would stay home for two weeks straight and watch 'em all over again!
- Being married to someone in IT just made me even more of a geek. My brother and I had a Tandy 1000 back in the day, and an Atari 2600 before that. I think this is one of the best sites for reviews. I spend way too much time on here at work, doing "research" ;-)
- #4 explains why I also find myself here sometimes when the day is going slow
- I'm also a news junkie...
- ...and a science junkie...
- ...and a bookworm, and I love to travel. If I do this someday, I'll be in heaven.
- Speaking of travel and writing, I used to have many pen pals back in the '80s. I still keep in touch with a few, and one of them has been on some really cool trips this year.
- A few years ago I volunteered for several theaters in Chicago. I did props and worked backstage. Apart from high school drama club, this was the first time I'd ever done anything on a play. I was hooked. There is nothing cooler than watching the house lights dim and hearing the story told, and imagining everything happening around you.
What are your non-D thoughts today, friends?
Monday, September 28, 2009
- Kathy needs to be on Regis. (Um, okay, but only if I don't have to sit too close to him...)
- Kathy needs to do more talk shows. (Why yes, I do! Considering I've done, um, none...!)
- Kathy needs your support and your vote to make NABJ 360 work for you. (Uh...ok...?)
- Kathy needs the help of power lesbians Melissa Etheridge and her wife Tammy. (You can never have too much help from power lesbians, if you ask me.)
- Kathy needs to travel from Plymouth. (Rock? Massachusetts? England?)
- Kathy needs a new car. She'd look good in this Mini Cooper... (Why yes, I do, and yes, I would. Maybe I can drive it from Plymouth!)
- Kathy needs to grow up and act her age! (What else is new?!)
- Kathy needs a helping hand financially. (Oh yes. Please make your check payable to...)
- Kathy needs a break. (Don't I ever...!)
- Kathy needs to lose weight .(Hey, that's getting a little personal--!)
Monday, September 21, 2009
From my perspective...I am out of whack. My A1Cs have been at or around 6 for four years now, so why the sudden increase? And I know 6.9 is not "right where you should be", at least not from the knowledge gained from all of you and every other physician I've been to in my life. My doctor is pretty concerned about the lows that come with being in the near-normal range, and I understand that. A nice gate-crashing 31 mg/dl woke me up the other night. But 6.9 is not acceptable, at least to me. Am I wrong?
For some reason this result has really hit me hard. Believe me, there were so many years when I was a teen/young adult when I didn't care...but I know now that I must try harder and do better. I have to watch what I eat and not guesstimate so many carb counts. I must stop the endless grazing at my desk and at home in the evenings. I must increase my mealtime boluses to stop the post-prandial 200s and 300s I've seen in the last month or two. I must exercise more, the 2 mile walk to & from the train station & work isn't good enough. I must try to reduce the stressors in my life. I am sooo lucky not to have complications, and I'm grateful. But I can't take my doctor's word for it this time that everything I'm doing is "good enough".
I'm also going to do one new thing to better manage my numbers: I'm going to get a CGMS. Specifically, I'm going to file paperwork for a Dexcom SevenPlus, hopefully this week. Thanks so much to the postings by Wil, Kerri, Bernard and others, I was able to really research this decision and get a true sense of what it will be like to start using a CGMS, as well as figure out which one would be most likely to help me. Not being a pumper, having a medical device on me will take some getting used to. But I have to try. I have to do something. I can't pretend that 6.9 is okay and just wait for the next A1C to tell me what I'm doing wrong.
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The first thing I think about every day, the last thing I do every night,
Is take care of you.
Your ups and downs, your surprises, your endless list of to-dos.
It's all about
There are times I can't remember
Life without you, constantly at my side, always prodding, poking,
Wanting to be noticed.
For a while I ignored you.
Then the numbers revealed my lie.
There was no escaping, it was ever and always
Living with you exhausts me, wears me out.
It's "til death do us part", all right,
Except only one of us ever tries,
Ever works on it,
Ever forgives and tries to forget and moves on--
And it's never been
I move among others
Constantly running a program in the background
That eats up my memory,
A task manager, called
Sometimes for a day I
Think I've succeeded
In quieting your endless
Demands, and at the end of the day,
I sink to my bed to escape
But then you awaken me
Late in the night with
The terror of a low, the nothingness
Of sleep escapes like a shadow,
And I am left with the ravenous monster of
The only thing you ever brought me
That wasn't wrapped in grief
Were those voices,
Calling out, looking out for other
Kindred spirits, brothers and sisters
Born of the same parent...
Would that we never had met,
You and I,
Except for these Others
With whom I survive.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Pregnant Relative: So I saw my doctor today because the baby wasn't kicking as much.
Me: Oh gosh! How is everything?
PR: She says it's fine, but I had to do a tolerance test and a fasting glucose because of the last time.
(Background note: PR is 39. Her father has type 2 and she was obese before getting pregnant. Her first baby was born with a BG of 34 and weighing nearly 10 lbs.--fortunately she is a happy & healthy 2 year old now. Afterwards her OB decided she 'probably had gestational diabetes, but we just didn't catch it.')
Me: Did they tell you what your results were?
PR: Yes. My fasting was 110 and the test was 154. So, she wants me to eat less carbs and try to exercise.
Me: That makes sense. Is she giving you any medications?
PR: Well, she said I might need to take insulin. So I have a question for you...
Me: (brimming with knowledge, eager to help, and happy she's reaching out to me) Sure! What is it?
PR: If I take insulin, will it make the baby get juvenile diabetes like you?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Not much else going on in my life that's blog-worthy...work continues to be stressful and difficult, but a large project just ended on a positive note so I can breathe a bit now. Just waiting patiently for summer to arrive like many of you so we can spend more time outdoors!
Friday, June 12, 2009
The dreaded annual retinal exam. It's tomorrow.
You might wonder why I'd worry, someone with apparently good numbers who's never had a speck of trouble. You might even consider my anxiety a little self-indulgent.
But I still do. I worry about the 'what-if' part. Every. single. time.
Tomorrow at this time, I will be grateful, I hope. And able to breathe easy for another year.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
4:30AM: Wake up with 13 lbs. of feline on my head. Push cat to foot of bed. Repeat as necessary for the next two hours.
6:30AM: Wake up, help husband get out the door to catch an early train. Try to sleep for 'just a few more minutes.' Cat decides to snuggle on my chest. Nice.
7:15AM: Awake from doze with alarm ringing and cat yowling. Get ready for work. BG in range for once--83 mg/dL. I do nothing, as the dreaded Dawn Phenomenon usually kicks in about now.
8:00AM: Enjoy a few moments of quiet on the train. (My new Sony Reader is wonderful too...)
8:30AM: Walk one mile from train station to work. Pick up healthy lunch items at grocery store on the way. Our office's tiny fridge barely fits a wedge of cheese between eight staff members; there's also no soda machine in our building, so I tote my own Diet Coke too. Lunch choices nearby include Subway...and that's it :(
8:50AM: Arrive at desk. Tense up when I realize The Tool* is already in. Log on, try to read some D-blogs before the onslaught begins.
(*Annoying person #1. I work with three of 'em! )
9:00AM: Reply to e-mails from colleague who works at home**, hope she's in a good mood and doesn't take offense to anything I've written today. Start troubleshooting some computer issues (I'm the unofficial IT staff). Spend the next 90 or so minutes trying to understand and fix an Adobe installation problem. Field phone calls, reply to four more e-mails from Remote Colleague and a 10-minute long IM exchange. Dawn phenomenon and stress make for some 200+ BGs. Ugh.
(**Annoying person #2. )
10:30AM: Phone meeting. Looong, boring. I hate typing minutes, but at least I get to write...
12:30PM: Scarf down cheap lunch at desk. Take my daily Lantus shot. I almost look forward to the quiet few moments I spend doing this.
1:00PM: Called away to fix another computer. The Tool, who fancies himself an IT "expert", has installed something that caused his computer to crash. Spend 15 minutes trying to get him to admit what it was, then another 15 to tell him to uninstall the program. Give up when I realize he's ignoring me.
2:00PM: Answering more emails, walking carefully so as to avoid mines. Post-lunch BG is acceptable for work (139 mg/dL). I'm wary of over-correcting.
2:30PM: Staff meeting. Oh joy. Spend 20 minutes listening to The Consultant*** talk about how she thinks we should be (a) filing, (b) naming our files, (c) thinking about what to name our files before we name them, and (d) describe in great detail the naming conventions at her previous place of employment. Thank God for Diet Coke.
(***Annoying person #3. )
4:00PM: Drag myself out of conference room. Test, expecting a midafternoon drop. Sure enough, 73 mg/dL. Have a snack so I won't go low while walking to the train station.
4:30PM: Wrestle myself out of a late task thrown at me by the Consultant. She is oblivious to the hour, thinks I have no problem working past 5. I gently correct her while secretly planning my escape.
4:50PM: Run from the building as if on fire. All thoughts of work stress evaporate when I see my DH waiting on the platform. We ride home and plan our evening, which devolves into vegging out in front of the TV.
9:30PM: Exhausted, but happy together again, we close up shop for the night. The cat approves. Pre-bed BG of 191 is high, but I'm too tired to care. After some more TV we're off to the land of Nod.
Thank goodness Memorial Day weekend is coming up soon. I need a break!
Hope you all in the OC are hanging in there (:-)
Friday, April 3, 2009
Like many of you, I've struggled for years to find the perfect stylish purse with enough room for all my D- and non-D crappe...oh well. At least I'm OK with this year's quasi-classic equestrian look (I hope).
My favorite watch also happened to die recently, so I splurged on a new one...does that logo look familiar?
On the back it says "Type 1 diabetes, insulin dependent" along with my ID number and Medic Alert's number. My old one was worn out, and so outdated it still had a local number and not Medic Alert's 800 number. Hopefully it's never needed, just like the old one. But I also hope the EMTs and doctors of the world notice it's a Medic Alert symbol, not just a watch. Any thoughts from you all? I plan to take an informal poll the next time I'm in my MD's office...
Happy Friday, everyone!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
9:19AM: 298 mg/dl. I've had one Diet Coke and walked a mile from the train to work. WTF?! Did I wake D up too early again today?
This dawn phenomenon thing really gets me down...ugh :-(
Saturday, March 28, 2009
A. Four places that I go to over and over:
2) Work (ugh)
4) Micro Center (my husband is in IT)
B. Four people who e-mail me (regularly):
1) My husband
2) My best friend Alanna
3) My sister-in-law
4) Acai Juice Wonder Weight-Loss Drink Pitchman!
C. Four favorite smells:
1) My husband's hair
2) Rain in the summertime
3) Freshly popped popcorn
4) Old books
D. Four places I would rather be right now:
1) Florida with my husband
2) Cashing in a multimillion-dollar lottery ticket!
3) Walking down a street in London
4) Driving out West
E. Four favorite TV shows:
1) The Office (American version)
3) CSI: Miami
4) The First 48
Friday, March 27, 2009
"Our characters are strengthened by a perpetual self-control; we have come to detest the pasty and the saccharine in thought, word and deed. We shall be plain and fine with each other. Formerly diabetics died, but now I shall begin to look for the diabetic influence in every aspect of life, in art, science, conduct, a new delicate strength, a restraint and a clearness."
--H.G. Wells, 1934
Amazing to think he got it, even then. Somehow I think this is what the Diabetes OC has become too. I wonder what Wells would have thought of all of us being 'plain and fine with each other'?
What inspiring words lift you up when diabetes gets you down?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
At home my cat has gone mad with spring fever. He yowls at the bedroom ceiling every morning at 5:30AM, completely oblivious to the human heads underneath his paws. My husband is sick with the plague (oops, flu) and his old hip injury has flared up again. And our work commute has had us coming home late every. single. day. this week.
But hey--tomorrow is SPRING!
I just hope the crazy train goes back to the station soon.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Sure, I thought, if you consider it normal to shove sharp objects into your fingers and stomach several times a day. Or spiking into the WTF-300s for no apparent reason. Or see the worry and frustration on your husband's face when you say those magic words: "I'm low."
But it's a good thing to be back in the 5% club, I guess. One more small victory scored against fate. Next up: the annual eye exam in May. Woo-hoo!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Greetings all :-) Finally have time to post an update here. I'm enjoying a rare day at work without someone tracking my every Internet move ):-P
I'm happy to follow up on one of my earlier posts with good news: I had three wisdom teeth extracted about 2 weeks ago, and so far everything is healing nicely. Thanks to everyone who passed along their tips--it was far less intimidating with your knowledge on hand. I went with local anesthesia only, which worked much better for me, I think. The procedure only took an hour and I was better able to take care of myself afterward. I purposely cut back a unit of Lantus for the 72 hours immediately before & after, which helped manage the lows, but I had a couple of what-the-**** numbers in the 400s in the morning the days following surgery. Not sure if it was the stress, the antibiotic, or the Frappucinos I tried to drink to get my caffeine fix--probably all of the above (:-(. (Next time I'll remember to have some flat Diet Coke on hand!)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Oh, and this month marks my 26th year of living with type 1 diabetes. So far so good...
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
I've been mired in work and other offline matters since the holidays, but I've been lurking and commenting when I can. Like many of you I also saw "Intervention" recently and read what others had to say, particularly Lee Ann. After watching the show I felt an overwhelming urge to reach out to John C, the subject of the show. I thought he would benefit from knowing we're out here. So I sent a letter with a list of blogs, including Diabetes Daily, the Diabetes OC and dLife, as well as some of your websites. I wanted to share with you all the response I got today:
Thank you so much for the letter you sent our production company, GRB Entertainment, regarding online diabetes resources. We will be sending the information along to John, the diabetic we profiled on “Intervention.” Thanks so much for your kindness to John.
So, John, if you happen to click over, I join the rest of the online community in greeting you. Welcome to the tribe!