Tuesday, October 28, 2008


I'm due for my next A1C in a week, and I'm stressing. Life has been hectic lately for me, just like all of you, and although I've been pretty good about my routine I feel tense. The questions fill my head every day & night...why do I feel like a few post-meal spikes make me "bad"? Or that a stubborn dawn phenomenon is somehow my fault? Why is it that even a small food reward makes me feel so guilty? I feel like that newly diagnosed teenager all over again, even if my numbers aren't really cause for grave concern. I have this nagging feeling my A1C will be up...and a growing sense of frustration about it. About why a number, especially one that's only partially in my control, has so much power over me. It makes me wonder if the D is all I am sometimes.

I haven't been able to spend time on this blog for lots of reasons lately, one of which is this lack of ability to articulate my unease. It just feels...ugh. You know? This isn't a good mindset going into the holidays, I know. Maybe it's the plague/RPS I've been fighting this week, but I just wish I felt more positive these days. Hopefully this, too, shall pass.


Scott K. Johnson said...

I soooo hear you on this. In fact I just finished up my latest dLife article talking about the same thing (should be published there in a couple weeks).

Part of what keeps me blogging is that I think it is helpful for me to get those vague emotions and feelings "whittled" down into words. It's damn hard most of the time, and more than most of the time I don't feel I've done the emotions justice. But I still think it helps to just get it out there. Know what I mean?

So - just go for it! Throw up a post and see what happens. Heck - this is the "internets", it doesn't need to be some fancy schmancy official paper or anything...

Hehe - my word verification is "taint".


Karen said...

Know what? You don't have to articulate it, because I know exactly how you are feeling. I do the same thing. I love my endo and he's never been anything but supportive and never blames me for a "bad" A1C - but I always feel like I've failed myself and him. Hang in there, try to be positive, and remember. If your A1C has gone up, it doesn't mean you're bad or have done anything wrong. It just means a few minor adjustments might need to be made.

Araby62 (a.k.a. Kathy) said...

Thanks, Scott & Karen. Knowing you're out there and know what it feels like really helps :)