I'm due for my next A1C in a week, and I'm stressing. Life has been hectic lately for me, just like all of you, and although I've been pretty good about my routine I feel tense. The questions fill my head every day & night...why do I feel like a few post-meal spikes make me "bad"? Or that a stubborn dawn phenomenon is somehow my fault? Why is it that even a small food reward makes me feel so guilty? I feel like that newly diagnosed teenager all over again, even if my numbers aren't really cause for grave concern. I have this nagging feeling my A1C will be up...and a growing sense of frustration about it. About why a number, especially one that's only partially in my control, has so much power over me. It makes me wonder if the D is all I am sometimes.
I haven't been able to spend time on this blog for lots of reasons lately, one of which is this lack of ability to articulate my unease. It just feels...ugh. You know? This isn't a good mindset going into the holidays, I know. Maybe it's the plague/RPS I've been fighting this week, but I just wish I felt more positive these days. Hopefully this, too, shall pass.